Why rejection brings terrible feelings of inadequacy

In my previous Fail Coach posts on rejection “Overcoming rejection with giving it a second chance?” and “How to overcome rejection” I mainly discussed how to stay motivated and how overcoming rejection actually looks in practice. In this post I will tell you more about feelings of inadequacy rejection brings.

We feel terrible about rejection and failure because that’s the way we were educated. It’s basically in our programming. In our modern societies, it often is the rule that we should always aspire to “the best”. Otherwise, you would be left out.

They teach us you have to be the first in line. But what happens when we realize that the line is in fact incredibly long? There is only one first place there. Does this mean that all the rest of the line should be miserable? Why not trying to be happy in the 5th or 16th or even 57th place? What’s wrong with that?

Rejection and feelings of inadequacy

Maybe when we dread being rejected it’s because we tend to value someone else’s opinions of our lives more than we value our own. It’s easy to say “I don’t care what they say about me”. But it’s pretty hard to actually say “So what if they think badly of me? So what?

Ask yourself if you are really willing to let other people’s opinions to control your very way of living. Be honest. If you can’t see a way of letting it go, then there’s not much you can do to overcome rejection.

If, however, you start pursuing a sense of freedom that fully lets you live and do the things you want, then that’s the first step. Work on not minding what they say or think of you.

It’s a fact: you will never ever accomplish all of the expectations people have of you. It’s just not humanly possible. So what sounds the most reasonable would be to not even worry about it!

Overcoming failure with embracing it

How to overcome failure: embrace it.

Yes, it’s as simple as that. Don’t try to avoid it because you will never succeed. Instead, welcome your failures inside and treat them as proper guests. Offer them a cup of tea. They are your best mentors so ask them everything you want. You will learn from them more than you expect.

I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. In fact, it may be extremely difficult. Most of the things that are truly worthy are not just a piece of cake. And this is how we evolve, learn and become the people that we are actually supposed to be.

Want to read more advices from an experienced Fail Coach? Then browse through our category “Life Coaching” and take a day off, because you’ll find plenty of interesting reading material.

Originally published at fail.coach on May 19, 2016.


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