How to say no? You heard me right: No!

Fighting for your own place starts with learning how to say no and not feeling bad about it. But how? Let’s start at the beginning.

When surrounded by certain social situations, there are some aspects in there which tend to constantly push us. It can be an advice or an order from a person you may or may not trust; and you may find yourself either in a professional or a personal circumstance. The point is altogether the same: whether you make your own decisions or let someone else make them for you.

Not being able to say what we want can lead to trouble. There are millions of people in this world who cannot freely speak their minds for fear of what may happen to them if they do. So if you have your own voice and can use it to state your thoughts, don’t waste it. If you do, people may misunderstand your intentions and expect things from you which you may not be willing to deliver.

Fighting for your own place starts with learning how to say no and not feeling bad about it.

That’s how you demand respect from others. It’s not about just asking for the actual respect but showing your position and how strong you can stand there (without being stubborn, of course: a truly wise person will always know when to shut up and learn rather than stay still and blabber with both arms crossed).

No success without finding out what you really want

Find out what you really want. Do you even know? Some people spend their entire lifetimes thinking that they’re following their own path before finding out this is not true. They were doing what was expected of them. It could be the case that, if you’re always trying to please everybody else, you forget about yourself.

Therefore, you must put yourself before anything or anyone else at all times because that is ultimately the only person you will be spending your whole life with. So who is more important than that?

Once you start realizing these kinds of things, you may find out that there are people who want to take advantage of you. That’s when the real challenge comes in how to say no. Taking control of such a situation andsaying NO is what will empower you.

When you live to oblige, it could happen that you get recognized for doing a good job. This can cause a feeling of accomplishment, like you’re saying Yes, I did it! But in fact, what you feel is neither fulfillment nor happiness but mere satisfaction for pleasing others. Happiness comes from within. We are used to “looking for” happiness in many places, when all we have to do is take a look inside ourselves to find it.

Real life scenario: How to say no and take control of you life

A friend of mine was having trouble deciding what to do about her professional career. She was stuck in a job that was only drowning her in work and stress. The concern of not having another income and the uncertainty of what would happen if she left that place was what kept her there.

Until, one day, she suddenly realized her value. It’s not like she experienced a sudden enlightenment. She just took a peek inside and found it there.

She then knew that she wasn’t going to allow anything compromise her mental and emotional balance. Income or no income, it was obvious she wouldn’t be left on the streets if she quit. And so she did. She took control of her own life.

Once you feel better, you start surrounding yourself with good and positive things. This is how you start “spreading” your happiness. People around you feel that and it’s so contagious that you create incredible things while being in harmony with the events that come. Buddha once said these wise words:

“What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.” How to say no becomes the question of the past.

Want to read more advices from an experienced Fail Coach? Then browse through our category “Life Coaching” and take a day off, because you’ll find plenty of interesting reading material.

Originally published at fail.coach on May 24, 2016.